Reminder – isolation does not have to mean isolated.
It’s a week since isolation started, well, “social distancing”. Not been a full week as went to work on Monday, in fact last weekend I still thought the events etc planned for this week would be going ahead. But by Monday it felt that the world was slowly starting to shut down and realise the implications of what was/is happening.
I remember on Monday starting to feel my anxiety rising every time I had to interact with anything, door handles became items of suspicion, talking with people and thinking “are they infected?” so I made the decision Monday to not come in again and packed my desk. Now, only a few days later, all of work is practically shut and we’re all encouraged to work from home.
Everything is cancelled.
I am afraid.
Depression has been lurking for months, making sneak attacks and then crawling back to its lair. This isolation scares me because I know that part of my coping mechanisms is being among people so I have to ‘act normal’, the act of acting normal helps to reset m brain if only for a little while. I now have less reasons to act. It’s going to be more difficult to get dressed – I’ll get up because I’m working but showering and dressing isn’t totally necessary. Having been through therapy I know what I ‘should’ do, and I will do my best to do what I need to in order to keep my sanity. I promise.
But I’m alone with my thoughts too much now. And my thoughts are often not good for me.
My strategies and plans… What can I do now that the outside world is cut off from me? I am thankful I have hobbies, and books, and music – always forever grateful for music. I can incorporate the daily ten minutes guitar practice into my routine which I’ve been forgetting or too tired to do. I’m also going to start yoga (thank you YouTube) seeing as I can’t get to the gym. There’s lots of de-cluttering to do around the house and then decorating. I’m hoping that my boss & work will sign off on my PhD so I can officially start that. Gardening – seeing as I’m home I might be able to keep stuff alive so I bought soil and seeds yesterday.
Create plans, have a routine, keep busy, make time to relax.
I’m lonely, I have felt lonely for a while, but I know I have awesome friends, my amazing daughter lives with me, and I can still connect with my son who’s abroad for the foreseeable.
Isolation doesn’t mean isolated.