What do you see when you look at me? Do you see the smile or the sorrow?

The light of the eyes, the joy I bring to people’s lives, the always ready to help personality, the kindness, the empathy, the trust, love?

Do you see the sadness, the pain of feeling unworthy, the feelings of despair and loneliness. The thoughts of wanting to be out of the way, to not be a burden, to sleep and not wake.

Do you see the way my eyes turn sad when I think no-one is looking? Do you see the droop of my shoulders, the dejected air, the hopelessness. Do you see the tiredness in every step, the effort it takes to just be.

Despair, sadness, loneliness, unnoticed, unremarkable, tired, black, grey, dark, shadow, mire, exhausted, unworthy, unwanted, discarded, derided, down, pressure, pain, dislike, cry, scream, sob, yell, grief, bereft, alone, dead.

What do you see when you look at me? You see the smile.