2015 – 2018 were hard years, and growth years. I learned a lot about myself, my motivations, the way my mind worked (or didn’t), who I was, who I might want to be.
Find out who you are. And do it on purpose (Dolly Parton)
2018 was a turning point, a huge change in my life (and I will be forever grateful for Sarah who thought of me and had confidence in me and put an opportunity in front of me). Literally from the 1st January my life did a flip and ended jam side up 🙂
I was still learning and growing, but I was slowly becoming Sharon 2.0
Returning to the gym (thank you Rebecca and Adam), undergoing intensive therapy (thank you NHS), and finally feeling mostly good about myself. I learned to respond to anyone asking how I was by saying “I’m fabulous, of course” and I believed it. There were still a few big waves of depression which swamped me, but I bobbed back to the surface quicker and more easily.
We’re a third way through 2019 and if 2018 was the change I needed, 2019 is setting the new course I want my life to take.
I have no responsibilities as such, I have a job I absolutely love going to four days a week, there’s finally some financial stability in my life, I feel I have a future – an iridescent future.
And it doesn’t have to be alone.
After four years of learning to be happy alone I’ve dipped a toe into the ocean of dating again. Without expectations, without need, but with openness to possibilities and the knowledge that I have the resilience to be happy whether I am single or part of a couple.
Conversation. Connection. Cuddles.
Approaching the prospect of a relationship from this side of betrayal and depression, and after the years of self-awareness I’ve undertaken, I know what I want and I won’t settle. I’m not searching for an all-consuming love, I don’t want to be consumed – I’ve spent all my life buried under other people’s expectations and needs. I’m looking for a partner, a relationship where we support each other’s dreams, share adventures, together because we choose to be, understand that staying together requires work, and be willing to put in that work.
Laughter. Lust. Love.
I’m not looking to get married again, I’m not sure if I want to live with anyone again – yet I am not ruling those things out because I’ve learned that the universe can be capricious and throw things at you which you never expected.
I am open to all the possibilities.
My next adventures await me and I have no true idea what they will be. I hope they involve travel, I’m looking forward to booking weekends in Europe once my new passport arrives. I would like them to involve creativity and learning – I haven’t decided what yet though. Perhaps they will involve a man, a spooning partner who brings a smile to my face when I think of him. I do know that I’ve been gazing towards the horizon for a while now and it’s finally time to go beyond it.
A few years ago I was visiting my gorgeous friend Manon in Witney and I purchased a wooden plaque with some sage advice written on it. Advice I take at every opportunity. Advice I hope you will take with you too.
DO MORE OF WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY.