Scene: An allotment, somewhere in the north of England.  Two elderly gardeners are leaning on their forks and talking

Albert have you seen the size of his marrows over there?

Wilf ay, they’re coming on grandly

Albert he sez he’s got some special fertiliser for them

Wilf codswallop. It were fallen leaves left by t’council. They make a good mulch when left to rot.

Albert council should be getting them fences fixed

Wilf ay, they takes our money but does little in return

Albert bloomin’ council. Not a straight one amongst ‘em

Wilf it’s not like it were

Albert Now you’re right there. Eh, what about the new young lad over by t’entrance? Have you seen what he’s growing?

Wilf Looks like weeds to me